After so many hours I find myself finally on the surface. There is only silence. No buildings, no people - only rubble. From marble pieces and golden patterns I can piece together in my mind what once must have been a wonderful city. When was it reduced to such a state? Why am I here? I remember only the circus and only that I lead it. And have done so for… years? It is difficult to tell. I feel like there are many gaps within my memory. Beautiful performances abruptly end, as though their end was excised from my mind. My mind's eye stutters as it looks through my life.
I hear a sound. Not far from me emerges another figure. And then another. And then another. They are my friends, companions, performers. I know not where we are or why. But I know that we are the Deep Circus.
It takes a while for us to get back into our groove. It feels like something's missing. The beasts bite at the beastmaster - yet I remember that he lived among them peacefully for so many years. The ventriloquist's act is just less life like than before - perhaps it is the doll we made, too wooden, too inhuman. The face-painter refuses to show themself. The wonderful identities they showed the crowd are nowhere to be seen, now there are only tears and fake carved smiles. The juggler keeps trying to expand their skills, yet it is hard. They know that they can do better, have done better, yet every time the objects drop, their hands not fast enough. And the clown… I don't know what to say about them.
Still, even if it takes time, eventually we find ourselves again on the stage. The clamouring of voices, the bright lights and waving tent - they all feel so nostalgic. For months now we've begged for food and done what jobs we could. Now it is time for our return. To once again put smiles on people's faces, to once again perform. The curtains open.
The curtains close. We talk and laugh, discuss our various acts and the new spins we've put on them. There is no life I'd rather live and nothing that could make me give this up! It is my purpose, it is my calling. I hope that I can keep doing this forever…
And then I remember.
I made a Wish, so long ago now. To make it so the Deep Circus shall never end.
Chaos roams the streets and much is lost, but all the screams of my compatriots are drowned out by my realisation.
An entire eternity to explore the world, to see every play that the universe has to offer. What greater joy could there be? And I shall spend it all with my dear friends, who too shall taste the sweetness of unending art. Perhaps those that can show the same passion as me can join our troupe and share our blessing.
We see the beauty made by the merchant that sells only paper birds. We hear the stories of a hermit who brings disaster wherever she goes. We see the grand performance that is Stargame, more beautiful and complex than any other we have seen.
The days slow down, the performances begin to look alike. The world has patterns to it and people tend to fall into its rhythm. I long for that creative spirit that I have never seen, the one that breaks the mould, that escapes the patterns and creates something truly new, truly unique. I do miss those days when everything was new to me. Maybe if I had savoured all those wonderful performances a little longer I would not be left in such a creative rut this day. But for now I wait…
Immortality is no blessing. I've seen nearly every act the world has to offer. I've watched a child cry over the burning body of their parents, the tears never even reaching the body. I've watched people change the world, lead revolutions to topple tyrants. I've watched the grandest feats of magic - the very same foolish mistake that I had once committed. Even the very words I speak I've heard in nearly every combination…
Emotions wane, sensations pale - this life of mine has gotten stale.
My friends have left, in them I find no blame. For I would not have wished upon them to live when every day has turned the same…
I'll gather new companions, those that can show me something new. I'll have them join my crew.
And when they find that their minds wane, I'll let them leave my troupe again.
I am alone,
Such is my fate,
My heart is stone,
My life is wait.